DAY 56: Henri Nouwen and A-Rod...

Well like A-Rod, I, too, am a steroid user. I am on day 3 of my 4-day Dexamethosone stint and I will say it surely has an effect on the body. (I am hitting the ball much futher. Ha!) I take these 10 little bitter green pills every day (in addition to the plethora of others I already take), but these little buggers amp me up... and unfortunately at all hours of they day, irrespective of the position of the sun. Lots of lying in bed at 3:45am -- just thinking.

This morning, I woke early and took a short walk in the brisk morning air. It is an amazing realization to see, physically, that each and every day really is a NEW creation in itself -- literally. The sun peeking over the trees with its myriad of changing colors... no two alike. The birds out circling for their first meal of the day. The wind, blowing where it desires, with no beginning and no end. And little ol' me, taking it all in, one labored breath at a time. It was one of those moments, that I'm sure we've all had at one point or another, where we say something to ourselves along the lines of, "Gee, wouldn't life be a little easier and smoother if I could just start *every* day like this?". But life happens and speeds up and many legitimate demands tug us into our daily rigors that thwart that pure, seemingly modest, intent. Well today, I got to start things off right and I'm grateful.

So I came back from this stroll and read the next chapter in a really good but really brief book by a fella named Henri Nouwen called "Life of the Beloved". He touched on something that was right on time for what I am learning that warrants a brief share. He wrote of the linkages between pain in our lives and communion with the divine -- i.e. our Creator... i.e. God. From this position of total love by our Creator (and getting our heads around this part is surely a prerequisite, so don't take it lightly), there is no such thing as death conquering life: as BOTH joy and suffering alike lead to spiritual fulfillment. He alludes to a letter of Julien Green where he posits "whether joy and suffering aren't aspects of the same phenomenon on a very high level. An anology, crazy for sure, comes to [his] mind: Extreme cold burns. It seems nearly certain, no, it is certain, that WE CAN ONLY GO TO GOD THROUGH SUFFERING and that this SUFFERING BECOMES JOY BECAUSE IT FINALLY IS THE SAME THING."

I want to share encouragement to any of you who may be encountering uncertainty or even outright pain in your life. I know I am. But what amazes me, time and again, is how the more intense the hurt I experience, the deeper into the love of our God I am able to enter. That cold gets so very cold that it does indeed turn to warmth.

Nouwen contends that, even tough he gives in (like all of us) to the many fears and warning of the world, our few years on this earth are simply part of a much larger event that stretches out far beyond the boundaries of our birth and death. If we can hold on to even a small realization of this perspective, combined with the peace of being LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY BY GOD, then pain, in a confounding way, loses some of its power and starts to look really sweet... almost desirable.

I say we embrace it when we can and see where that leads us, because I firmly believe that it's a place we all want to be.